Jaden,
In my previous letter I told you that women can be understood and that I would later expand upon learning the woman dialect. There is book titled, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Well, let's talk a little about how to understand Venutian, and then we'll move on to other things I want to pass on.
Keep this phrase in your heart and mind, whether single or married. "Pay attention to the woman God puts in front of you." Let's break that down.
PAY ATTENTION. Here's the language breakdown. Most guys don't understand women because they don't pay attention to the words she's saying, the context in which they are said, or how she feels when she's talking. Hearing the words she says is a good start, but in order to understand the implications, look for context. That is, get perspective to see what is happening around you, around her, and how she's feeling or where she is coming from. If you don't know, ask. Seriously. Ask her. There will be times when you have no idea what she's implying and the best thing you can do is ask her. Communication is key to relationships. Okay, now for the confusing part. Sometimes women want to be a mystery and leave you guessing on what they're thinking. This is a sign that they just want to be pursued. If you find yourself in this situation, don't get confused and frustrated, pursue her! Because persuing her means you're giving her attention. You don't have to understand this part, just go with it. We'll press on.
Next ...TO THE WOMAN... Look at it. THE WOMAN. Singular. One woman. Your love is not meant to be shared with more than one woman. While you may show love to more than one woman through the course of your life, when you pursue a woman for marriage, that is where 100% of your love must go. Never share the love for your wife with another woman despite how tempting or promising the offer. May your love for God fuel your decisions and drive your love for your wife.
Finally ...GOD PUTS IN FRONT OF YOU. Make sure that the woman you date is a Godly woman. Make sure God has a hand in your interest with each other. There will be women who come in and out of your life, some will capture your heart, and some will break it. But before you pursue a girl, make sure that she shares your values and your faith. It's hard to be faithful when you don't have a faith to start with.
So when you find her, make her laugh. When you pursue her, pursue her heart. When you take her out, pay for her without expectation. When you take her home, leave quickly. ...and one day... when you make her your wife, make her a priority.
Unconditionally,
Dad
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
What most men lack... and most women respect
Jaden,
Find a quiet place son, sit down, and don't rush through this letter, for it is the first of several letters that will deal with the wonderfully unpredictable, unfathomably adorable, extraordinarily beautiful part of life... Women. Wait! Don't crinkle this up and throw it away (or delete it) and move on to something you think you that I could actually teach you about. Just give me a second here Romeo. After all, you wouldn't be here if I didn't know a little something about the subject.
I'll start by clearing up the basic misunderstanding that women can't be figured out. Your friends may joke, "women are impossible to understand". Well, leave it as a joke because that's all it is. The truth is, women can be understood. You see, women just speak a different language than men do. Sure they use the same words that we do, but behind those words there lies a multitude of implications that are often undetected, and therefore, uninterpreted by the masculine ear. Some may claim that men are incapable of deciphering this code. No doubt, my son, we are at a disadvantage when it comes to the art of female interpretation, but we are not the unintelligible brutes that we are made out to be. Perhaps in another letter we'll go into detail about the "How to" of understanding women. At the moment, we'll leave it at this: while women are at times unpredictable... they are understandable. More later.
The original reason that I write this letter is to impart a special piece of advice that is very dear to me. Jaden, be chivalrous. Consider the definition.
chiv·al·rous [shiv-uhl-ruhs] –adjective
1. having the qualities of chivalry, as courage, courtesy, and loyalty.
2. considerate and courteous to women; gallant.
3. gracious and honorable toward an enemy, especially a defeated one, and toward the weak or poor
This is a very simple, yet infinitely important part of being a real man. A gentleman. Chivalry may be many things in many situations. I hope that by the time you read this, you'll have seen a good example of what it means to be chivalrous. Every woman deserves to be treated with honor, respect, gentleness, and courtesy. Be a gentleman, but never a pushover. If your courtesies goes unappreciated, or if respect is not returned, be gracious but move on. Such women are either undeserving of your continued grace, or simply immature in their understanding of cordiality. Neither woman is one worth pursuing for friendship or for courtship, but regardless of how one woman responds to your courtesy, never hold it against the next.
So hold open doors, but hold on to your heart. Stand up for her when she enters the room, but stand firm on your values. Most women will respond well to your courtesies and respect you for the respect you give. The special women are those who respect you not just for how you treat them, but for who you are apart from the mere courtesies you give. Your actions are the evidence of the character you possess inside. Be chivalrous in your heart and mind, and the rest will come naturally.
I pray that I'll be a better teacher to you by example than by word.
Unconditionally,
Dad
Find a quiet place son, sit down, and don't rush through this letter, for it is the first of several letters that will deal with the wonderfully unpredictable, unfathomably adorable, extraordinarily beautiful part of life... Women. Wait! Don't crinkle this up and throw it away (or delete it) and move on to something you think you that I could actually teach you about. Just give me a second here Romeo. After all, you wouldn't be here if I didn't know a little something about the subject.
I'll start by clearing up the basic misunderstanding that women can't be figured out. Your friends may joke, "women are impossible to understand". Well, leave it as a joke because that's all it is. The truth is, women can be understood. You see, women just speak a different language than men do. Sure they use the same words that we do, but behind those words there lies a multitude of implications that are often undetected, and therefore, uninterpreted by the masculine ear. Some may claim that men are incapable of deciphering this code. No doubt, my son, we are at a disadvantage when it comes to the art of female interpretation, but we are not the unintelligible brutes that we are made out to be. Perhaps in another letter we'll go into detail about the "How to" of understanding women. At the moment, we'll leave it at this: while women are at times unpredictable... they are understandable. More later.
The original reason that I write this letter is to impart a special piece of advice that is very dear to me. Jaden, be chivalrous. Consider the definition.
chiv·al·rous [shiv-uhl-ruhs] –adjective
1. having the qualities of chivalry, as courage, courtesy, and loyalty.
2. considerate and courteous to women; gallant.
3. gracious and honorable toward an enemy, especially a defeated one, and toward the weak or poor
This is a very simple, yet infinitely important part of being a real man. A gentleman. Chivalry may be many things in many situations. I hope that by the time you read this, you'll have seen a good example of what it means to be chivalrous. Every woman deserves to be treated with honor, respect, gentleness, and courtesy. Be a gentleman, but never a pushover. If your courtesies goes unappreciated, or if respect is not returned, be gracious but move on. Such women are either undeserving of your continued grace, or simply immature in their understanding of cordiality. Neither woman is one worth pursuing for friendship or for courtship, but regardless of how one woman responds to your courtesy, never hold it against the next.
So hold open doors, but hold on to your heart. Stand up for her when she enters the room, but stand firm on your values. Most women will respond well to your courtesies and respect you for the respect you give. The special women are those who respect you not just for how you treat them, but for who you are apart from the mere courtesies you give. Your actions are the evidence of the character you possess inside. Be chivalrous in your heart and mind, and the rest will come naturally.
I pray that I'll be a better teacher to you by example than by word.
Unconditionally,
Dad
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Forget yourself
Jaden,
I'll start this letter by saying I hope that you enjoy reading more than I have in my life. It was only recently that I really began reading for enjoyment. It took me 27 years! I hope that you start reading for enjoyment earlier than me, and spend less time playing video games as I did... have... and still do.
I bring this up because I want to encourage you to specifically read a book by C.S. Lewis called "Mere Christianity". I hope that by the time you read this letter, I'll have not only finished it, but understood it in it's entirety. In this book Lewis speaks of the danger and evil of pride and true greatness of humility.
One sentence that struck me was when he says something like this, "when you clearly see God for who He is, you'll either realize how unworthy and how sinful you are or you'll forget about yourself altogether... it's better to forget yourself altogether." This is the very definition of humility and service. Forget yourself. Do not be arrogant, cocky, boastful, prideful, or think yourself better than anyone else. Follow Christ's example. He is the creator of all things, the Son of God, yet he came to us to serve us and to save us. He is the essence of humility. If you think yourself better than anyone else, you think yourself better than Christ Himself, because He came for the least of us. Again, forget yourself and focus on Christ.
Son, be careful of pride for it is perhaps the most dangerous of all traps because it starts very small and silently consumes you until it skews your vision and changes your prespective. The men I have most respected in my life are the men who the world will never celebrate. Your grandfather, my dad, is one of these men. His quiet humility was evident in his actions.
It's okay to be proud of accomplishments, to feel good about what you've done or who you are. I take pride in many things. I feel pride in my accomplishments in life. I am proud to have reached the rank of Captain in the Marine Corps. I take great pride in you my son. There is nothing wrong with this feeling good about things, but be careful not to let it affect how you see other people, or make you think better of yourself.
Search your heart son, give up your pride. Love God, serve Him with humility, and because of your love for Him, love and serve others. Forget about yourself and you'll find more joy in life than you could ever know.
Unconditionally,
Dad
I'll start this letter by saying I hope that you enjoy reading more than I have in my life. It was only recently that I really began reading for enjoyment. It took me 27 years! I hope that you start reading for enjoyment earlier than me, and spend less time playing video games as I did... have... and still do.
I bring this up because I want to encourage you to specifically read a book by C.S. Lewis called "Mere Christianity". I hope that by the time you read this letter, I'll have not only finished it, but understood it in it's entirety. In this book Lewis speaks of the danger and evil of pride and true greatness of humility.
One sentence that struck me was when he says something like this, "when you clearly see God for who He is, you'll either realize how unworthy and how sinful you are or you'll forget about yourself altogether... it's better to forget yourself altogether." This is the very definition of humility and service. Forget yourself. Do not be arrogant, cocky, boastful, prideful, or think yourself better than anyone else. Follow Christ's example. He is the creator of all things, the Son of God, yet he came to us to serve us and to save us. He is the essence of humility. If you think yourself better than anyone else, you think yourself better than Christ Himself, because He came for the least of us. Again, forget yourself and focus on Christ.
Son, be careful of pride for it is perhaps the most dangerous of all traps because it starts very small and silently consumes you until it skews your vision and changes your prespective. The men I have most respected in my life are the men who the world will never celebrate. Your grandfather, my dad, is one of these men. His quiet humility was evident in his actions.
It's okay to be proud of accomplishments, to feel good about what you've done or who you are. I take pride in many things. I feel pride in my accomplishments in life. I am proud to have reached the rank of Captain in the Marine Corps. I take great pride in you my son. There is nothing wrong with this feeling good about things, but be careful not to let it affect how you see other people, or make you think better of yourself.
Search your heart son, give up your pride. Love God, serve Him with humility, and because of your love for Him, love and serve others. Forget about yourself and you'll find more joy in life than you could ever know.
Unconditionally,
Dad
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