Sticks and Stones

J,

So much has changed since our last letter to you.

You're growing up so fast, and I'm trying not to blink.



You're no longer the little baby we brought home from the hospital. You're a bouncy, bubbly, active toddler, and you run everywhere you go. In a week you will be 18 months.



I can't believe it.



I took you to work with me this week and took a few photos. You love being outside and like any little boy, you love dirt, sticks, and rocks. Once my clients got to the park, I offered you a book; you preferred the stick.



You're starting to get more and more independent. You like to venture out as far as you can go and are starting to run from us when we come to get you. I think the whole park heard you screaming as I, your 8 month pregnant mommy carried you under her arm, kicking and screaming, back to your allowed territory.



But even in the midst of the temper tantrum, I love you still, always.

Love,
Mom

What's in a Name (from Mom)

My Dearest Jaden,

I write to you this letter as a response to the question you may ask someday.

“Why did you choose Jaden?” I hope this letter answers that question and helps you
to understand the meaning behind our choice.

What’s in a name? Why should it be so important? To some people it may not be so
important. I wasn’t about to name you something just because I thought it was cute
or popular. It had to be meaningful (and cute too.) In the Bible, a name told much
about an individual. A person was defined by their name. God often times changed
one’s name in order to establish a life-changing event. Names described people and
often times their future. In the Old Testament, a name also told a great deal about
a place, specifically what God had done in that place. The Israelites would name
places where God had provided, protected, or revealed himself to them and build an
altar there to remember what He had done.

After I found out I was pregnant I began looking up names. I searched everywhere-
books, Internet databases, the Bible. Your father and I discussed so many names and finally came to one we both could agree on.

At our 20 week appointment we went to discover if our baby was going to be the
little boy I’d had a hunch about (and your father was crossing his fingers for) or
if I needed to return the boys clothing I’d already started stockpiling. That day
was such a rollercoaster of emotion. We were thrilled to find out that you would be
the boy we’d hoped for, but our excitement quickly turned to fear and disbelief as
a specialist came to discuss abnormalities found on the sonogram. A small white
cluster appeared on your heart; a spot found in about 10% of babies before birth.
This finding was not followed by heart trouble but there was a correlation between
this finding and downs syndrome. I’m sure your father could tell you his reaction,
but I was in sheer panic. Trying to hold back tears, I calmly asked many questions,
trying to gather as much information I could about this possibility. Because of my
age, the statistics would show that the possibility was very low but because of not
receiving a particular test prior to 20 weeks, the percentage increased. As we left the appointment I remember being scared; no, terrified.

We were selective in who we told about the appointment. Those we told began
praying and we began praying earnestly. In the beginning I prayed that you would
be a healthy baby and that the cluster would disappear, but it’s amazing the way
that God can shape your heart. Over time my prayers turned from “heal my baby”
to “help me to be content with whatever you place before me.” I realized that God
had given us this gift and matched us perfectly for you, regardless of what we felt
capable of. Everyday I prayed for you, and everyday I prayed that we would know
how to show you unconditional love. As the months passed God’s peace was making
it’s way into my life. By the time we were in delivery, that day in the sonogram room
never crossed my mind.

This I know. God is faithful and he hears our prayers. Prayer is a powerful thing
Jaden. Although we can’t see the way it works with our physical eyes I hope you will
experience its power through your spirit someday.

That being said, my son, your name means; Jehovah has heard.

How fitting; how perfect. My sweet boy, this is why we named you Jaden. God has
done many great things in our lives, but this is our greatest answer to prayer. When
we say your name we remember what God has done; that Jehovah has heard and
blessed us beyond our wildest imagination with you.

We love you Jaden.

Love Always,

Mom

In His Grip

Jaden,

Today we went to the hospital for your 3 month check up and to give you a few shots. The nurse asked me if I wanted to hold you or lay you on the table while she administered the vaccination. I chose to hold you. I couldn't bear to let you feel that pain alone, without a comforting embrace to make you feel loved and safe. As I held you, you began to writhe in pain and scream until your face turned firey red. Though I didn't regret the decision to bring that pain upon you, it broke my heart to hear you cry. I did not enjoy your screams or the knowledge of your pain, but I knew the reason why it was necessary. Such is a father's love.

Son, this life is going to bring you much pain and suffering. This is simply the nature and consequence of living in a fallen and sinful world. Though the pain may come, and come it will, remember that we are always in our Father's grip. Just as I knew today that the pain I willfully allowed into your life would bring about a more important good, a good that would protect you and strengthen you for the future. So it is also with our heavenly Father. Not everything that comes into your life will be good, but remember Romans 8:28. "God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes". God does not abandon us in our times of pain. We scream and cry when we endure pain, and sometimes it doesn't feel like God is near, but He is. As you read this letter, He holds you just as I held you earlier today.

I know the pain of getting shots. I've receieved many in my life. That may be one of the greatest thing about our God, that He is not removed from our pain. He endured it first hand. He stepped out of heaven to become man, to know our pain, to overcome our pain, and to take the ultimate pain away. The pain of being separated from Him. Trust God. For even when you let go of Him, you are still in His grip.

Unconditionally,
Dad

Visiting Venus

Jaden,

In my previous letter I told you that women can be understood and that I would later expand upon learning the woman dialect. There is book titled, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Well, let's talk a little about how to understand Venutian, and then we'll move on to other things I want to pass on.

Keep this phrase in your heart and mind, whether single or married. "Pay attention to the woman God puts in front of you." Let's break that down.

PAY ATTENTION. Here's the language breakdown. Most guys don't understand women because they don't pay attention to the words she's saying, the context in which they are said, or how she feels when she's talking. Hearing the words she says is a good start, but in order to understand the implications, look for context. That is, get perspective to see what is happening around you, around her, and how she's feeling or where she is coming from. If you don't know, ask. Seriously. Ask her. There will be times when you have no idea what she's implying and the best thing you can do is ask her. Communication is key to relationships. Okay, now for the confusing part. Sometimes women want to be a mystery and leave you guessing on what they're thinking. This is a sign that they just want to be pursued. If you find yourself in this situation, don't get confused and frustrated, pursue her! Because persuing her means you're giving her attention. You don't have to understand this part, just go with it. We'll press on.

Next ...TO THE WOMAN... Look at it. THE WOMAN. Singular. One woman. Your love is not meant to be shared with more than one woman. While you may show love to more than one woman through the course of your life, when you pursue a woman for marriage, that is where 100% of your love must go. Never share the love for your wife with another woman despite how tempting or promising the offer. May your love for God fuel your decisions and drive your love for your wife.

Finally ...GOD PUTS IN FRONT OF YOU. Make sure that the woman you date is a Godly woman. Make sure God has a hand in your interest with each other. There will be women who come in and out of your life, some will capture your heart, and some will break it. But before you pursue a girl, make sure that she shares your values and your faith. It's hard to be faithful when you don't have a faith to start with.

So when you find her, make her laugh. When you pursue her, pursue her heart. When you take her out, pay for her without expectation. When you take her home, leave quickly. ...and one day... when you make her your wife, make her a priority.

Unconditionally,
Dad

What most men lack... and most women respect

Jaden,

Find a quiet place son, sit down, and don't rush through this letter, for it is the first of several letters that will deal with the wonderfully unpredictable, unfathomably adorable, extraordinarily beautiful part of life... Women. Wait! Don't crinkle this up and throw it away (or delete it) and move on to something you think you that I could actually teach you about. Just give me a second here Romeo. After all, you wouldn't be here if I didn't know a little something about the subject.

I'll start by clearing up the basic misunderstanding that women can't be figured out. Your friends may joke, "women are impossible to understand". Well, leave it as a joke because that's all it is. The truth is, women can be understood. You see, women just speak a different language than men do. Sure they use the same words that we do, but behind those words there lies a multitude of implications that are often undetected, and therefore, uninterpreted by the masculine ear. Some may claim that men are incapable of deciphering this code. No doubt, my son, we are at a disadvantage when it comes to the art of female interpretation, but we are not the unintelligible brutes that we are made out to be. Perhaps in another letter we'll go into detail about the "How to" of understanding women. At the moment, we'll leave it at this: while women are at times unpredictable... they are understandable. More later.

The original reason that I write this letter is to impart a special piece of advice that is very dear to me. Jaden, be chivalrous. Consider the definition.

chiv·al·rous [shiv-uhl-ruhs] –adjective
1. having the qualities of chivalry, as courage, courtesy, and loyalty.
2. considerate and courteous to women; gallant.
3. gracious and honorable toward an enemy, especially a defeated one, and toward the weak or poor

This is a very simple, yet infinitely important part of being a real man. A gentleman. Chivalry may be many things in many situations. I hope that by the time you read this, you'll have seen a good example of what it means to be chivalrous. Every woman deserves to be treated with honor, respect, gentleness, and courtesy. Be a gentleman, but never a pushover. If your courtesies goes unappreciated, or if respect is not returned, be gracious but move on. Such women are either undeserving of your continued grace, or simply immature in their understanding of cordiality. Neither woman is one worth pursuing for friendship or for courtship, but regardless of how one woman responds to your courtesy, never hold it against the next.

So hold open doors, but hold on to your heart. Stand up for her when she enters the room, but stand firm on your values. Most women will respond well to your courtesies and respect you for the respect you give. The special women are those who respect you not just for how you treat them, but for who you are apart from the mere courtesies you give. Your actions are the evidence of the character you possess inside. Be chivalrous in your heart and mind, and the rest will come naturally.

I pray that I'll be a better teacher to you by example than by word.

Unconditionally,
Dad

Forget yourself

Jaden,

I'll start this letter by saying I hope that you enjoy reading more than I have in my life. It was only recently that I really began reading for enjoyment. It took me 27 years! I hope that you start reading for enjoyment earlier than me, and spend less time playing video games as I did... have... and still do.

I bring this up because I want to encourage you to specifically read a book by C.S. Lewis called "Mere Christianity". I hope that by the time you read this letter, I'll have not only finished it, but understood it in it's entirety. In this book Lewis speaks of the danger and evil of pride and true greatness of humility.

One sentence that struck me was when he says something like this, "when you clearly see God for who He is, you'll either realize how unworthy and how sinful you are or you'll forget about yourself altogether... it's better to forget yourself altogether." This is the very definition of humility and service. Forget yourself. Do not be arrogant, cocky, boastful, prideful, or think yourself better than anyone else. Follow Christ's example. He is the creator of all things, the Son of God, yet he came to us to serve us and to save us. He is the essence of humility. If you think yourself better than anyone else, you think yourself better than Christ Himself, because He came for the least of us. Again, forget yourself and focus on Christ.

Son, be careful of pride for it is perhaps the most dangerous of all traps because it starts very small and silently consumes you until it skews your vision and changes your prespective. The men I have most respected in my life are the men who the world will never celebrate. Your grandfather, my dad, is one of these men. His quiet humility was evident in his actions.

It's okay to be proud of accomplishments, to feel good about what you've done or who you are. I take pride in many things. I feel pride in my accomplishments in life. I am proud to have reached the rank of Captain in the Marine Corps. I take great pride in you my son. There is nothing wrong with this feeling good about things, but be careful not to let it affect how you see other people, or make you think better of yourself.

Search your heart son, give up your pride. Love God, serve Him with humility, and because of your love for Him, love and serve others. Forget about yourself and you'll find more joy in life than you could ever know.

Unconditionally,
Dad

What Genius and Insanity share

Jaden,

I met your mother in high school, we were both in the homecoming court. She was just as beautiful then as she is now. (In another letter, we'll talk about brownie points) She was a freshman and I was a senior at the time and we had homecoming practice in the evenings leading up to homecoming night. During the homecoming ceremony, the is a choreographed dance that all homecoming participants take part in, and at some point during this waltz, your mother and I had to dance together. A first conversation is always a little wierd, but having to dance together before a first conversation made the situation just plain awkward. In the awkwardness of my first encounter with your mother, there was but one focus on my mind. "Make her laugh."

I don't share this story with you to give you advice on how to win girl's hearts, although when that special girl comes, remember to make her laugh. (But I suppose that is for another letter too) I tell you this story so that you can see the wonderful power of laughter. It can connect people, change an attitude, humble the proud, and sometimes it's so wonderfully strong it brings us to tears. Laughter is an amazing creation, and it shows a side of God that people often fail to see.

We laugh at many things in life. Stephen King wrote a book called 'Hearts in Atlantis' and in it he wrote; "You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants." So invite laughter in. Enjoy it's company, and the company of those who bring it. I pray you laugh so hard at times that you can barely stand up straight and tears fill your eyes. Laugh often son.

Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself either. I find I laugh at myself quite often. Not because I think I'm funny, but because when God shows me how foolish I can be at times, my response always ends in laughter. There will be times when you think you've got the world figured out. You'll stand at the plate and point your bat toward the wall because you know that the next pitch life is throwing you is a fastball, and you're ready. Then, God throws you a curveball to make your wisdom look like foolishness. You'll swing so hard and miss so badly that you're thrown off balance, the bat will fly out of your hands, and you'll find yourself flat on your back staring up at the sky thinking, "I did NOT see that coming!" Remember son, a good response is always to laugh. Laugh, pick yourself up, give God credit for being who he is, thank him for humbling you, and get ready for the next pitch.

I would be amiss to tell you to laugh and enjoy laughing without giving you this warning. People laugh at many things. Sometimes their laughter is at someone, in cruelty, or at an inappropriate subject, or even an inappropriate time. Guard your heart and mind against such laughter, because that laughter is in mockery and will bring with it, judgement.

Laughter is such a fun, amazing, and pure gift. Keep it pure. Use it often. Enjoy it always.

Unconditionally,
Dad